I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
