I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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