YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
