Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
