soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
