Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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