im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
