duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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