She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize