Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
