If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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