Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
