Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
