so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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