you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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