Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
