I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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