chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
