I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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