yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Damn victory sex feels great
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
