yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
