Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
