I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
