So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
