i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize