She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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