Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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