"it" just moved
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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