You're so nebulous sometimes
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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