So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
