her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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