where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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