Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
