ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize