i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
