Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
