He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We talked him into tasing himself.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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