Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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