I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
