Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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