im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
