Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
