i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize