The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
