break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I CAN MOONWALK!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
