i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
