i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
