so explain again why im purple
no
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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