Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
