Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
