I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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