Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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