Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
