I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
