oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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