so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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