I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
