remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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