I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
