DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
