super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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