wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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