My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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