guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
