The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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