I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
