I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
