u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
