how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
