i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
