Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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