glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
